If you are a married person whose marriage is seriously troubled and have already been thinking about separation and divorce or have already separated or divorced…

… please read this statement by your Church:

“The joys and hopes, the grief and the anxieties of the men and women of this age, especially those who are poor or in any way afflicted; these too are the joys and hopes the grief and anxieties of the followers of Christ:” (The Second Vatican Council, Constitution on the Church in the Modern World, #1). These words give evidence of the Church’s genuine concern for those men and women who are struggling in their marriages.

These words become deeds in the pastoral care and action available through your parish priest and fellow parishioners. There is also no better ministry to couples than in the Retrouvaille experience Retrouvaille.org. It is not a weekend with its follow-up sessions only for Catholics. Rather, Catholics developed it for all couples so that those afflicted with marital grief and anxieties, even those already civilly divorced, could be happily and successfully reconciled.

Tragically, our society presents divorce as the only recourse for escape from a less than ideal marriage. Not a few marriage counselors have the idea that divorce is a cure for troubled marriages. Their goal is often divorce, not reconciliation when it is possible. Since divorce is so common, family and friends may even encourage it. A divorce mentality is not the exception, unfortunately, but the rule. Because of this existing climate, when a marriage is failing, a Catholic finds himself/herself in the midst of a dilemma because of the Church's teaching on the permanence of marriage.

 

The Church Teaches…

“The Lord Jesus insisted on the original intention of the Creator who willed that marriage be indissoluble. He abrogates the accommodations that had slipped into the old Law” (Catechism of the Catholic Church [CCC] #2382).

“Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law. It claims to break the contract, to which the spouses freely consented, to live with each other till death. Divorce does injury to the covenant of salvation, of which sacramental marriage is the sign” (CCC #2384).

“Divorce is immoral also because it introduces disorder into the family and into society. This disorder brings grave harm to the deserted spouse, to children traumatized by the separation of their parents and often torn between them, and because of its contagious effect which makes it truly a plague on society” (CCC #2385).

However, “It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage” (CCC #2386).

Nonetheless, the Church teaches: “The separation of spouses while maintaining the marriage bond can be legitimate in certain cases provided for by canon law.” These instances are discussed later in this brochure.

Furthermore: “If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children, or the protection of inheritance, it can be tolerated and does not constitute a moral offense” (CCC #2383).

 

What is the Church asking that married people (me) do when they are (I am) experiencing serious marital conflict and can foresee only separation and even divorce?

1. As soon as possible, talk with your pastor or another priest with whom you are comfortable. The sooner, the better, but it is never too late. He can recommend marriage counselors who are truly interested in resolving marital conflict if that is possible and safe.

2. Make a Retrouvaille weekend and participate in the follow-up sessions. Retrouvaille reconciles couples who are even divorced at an 80% success rate --better than any marriage counselor can claim. Visit www.retrouvaille.org. Skipping this step will make you wonder whether your marriage could have been saved or restored.

3. Consider the process for a Church Separation described below – the whole purpose of this brochure – before you make a decision to separate if possible. It is available through the Diocesan Tribunal - 318-445-2401, ext. 263.

4. If civil divorce remains the only possible way of ensuring certain legal rights, the care of the children or the protection of inheritance, make certain that you are careful in your selection of a family law attorney. Talk to SEVERAL of your friends who have divorced for recommendations. This decision is extremely important. Have your own attorney, distinct from your spouse's. Secure your future carefully. It is this future from which you will have the resources to care for your children even if you are not the domiciliary parent.

5. After divorce, a petition for investigation of the possible invalidity of marriage may be appropriate. A Church annulment is extremely misunderstood. It does not make your children illegitimate. The process can be free of charge. It is also a very healing experience. Contact the Diocesan Tribunal at 318-445-2401, ext. 263. Start your case even before you start dating again! It takes nearly two (2) years for a case to be resolved. Don't wait even it you are thinking that you will never marry again.

 

A Church Separation

Why does the Church have a process regarding marital separation and divorce?

Jesus and the Apostle Paul urged that important matters such as a marriage, originally celebrated in the Spirit of Christ, should be brought to the Church first and only later if needed to the civil courts (Matthew 18.15-17; also 1 Corinthians 6:1-7).

Is it ever possible for Catholics to separate or divorce with acknowledgement of the Church?

At a time of marital conflict, the Church is concerned about the welfare of the spouses and the well-being of the children involved, as well as the protection of individual rights. The Church offers her support to the couple; evaluates the causes for the proposed separation and pledges to work with the couple for the reconciliation of differences and a restoration of their common life where that is possible.

The moral obligation of husband and wife to sustain common life is evident to anyone who appreciates the profound nature of marriage consent. The partners express in their vows the mutual and total gift of themselves to each other, a commitment that can only be realized by their entire lifetime together. Marriage, as a Sacrament of Christ and his Church, confirms and strengthens this commitment to permanence. It becomes a joyous sign of God's faithful and enduring love for each and all of us.

THE CHURCH DOES UNDERSTAND THAT SOME PROBLEMS IN SOME MARRIAGES ARE SO DEEP THAT THE COUPLE MUST SEPARATE. Whenever there is a call for marital separation, there must be a correspondingly serious reason. In these modern times, there are many causes for marital crisis. For example, severe financial problems and the burdens of parenting can threaten a marriage, at other times a spouse who does not act responsibly due to a personality disorder, such as alcoholism, may endanger marital stability.

SOME OTHER SERIOUS REASONS that may precipitate separation are adultery, the insistent refusal of a spouse to promote a religious climate in the home; serious danger to the physical well being of the spouses or children; a criminal lifestyle by a spouse incompatible with Christian married life; any causes of a similar magnitude.

Whatever the problem, a spouse starts with his or her parish priest or any priest with whom s/he is comfortable. A spouse should not hesitate to speak with a priest s/he knows. These serious situations need outside help. A marriage would not be in serious trouble if spouses could work on their marriage themselves. It is a sign of maturity and spiritual wisdom to ask for the help as soon as a spouse begins to note problems, not too late!

 

What about EMERGENCY SEPARATIONS taken by a spouse on his or her own initiative? May a spouse ever separate on his or her own initiative?

The law of the Church recognizes the right of the spouse who is seriously endangered in any way or who is seriously concerned for the safety of the children to separate on his or her own initiative. However, the consultation and assistance of the Church should be sought as soon as safety is established.

What are the consequences of not consulting with the Church before separation and other civil action?

A needless separation and divorce that deeply injures the spouses and the children, at the least, may follow.

Spouses have a serious moral obligation to maintain common life. To break off common life on one’s own, without the counsel and acknowledgement of the Church, means the spouse has acted without the benefit of the Church's support in his or her decision.

A Catholic wants to do what the Church proposes because it is more likely to lead to reconciliation when that is the greater good rather than divorce that should be the last resort. There is great trauma when the dream of a lifetime is abandoned without careful discernment.

Understand that the Church does not urge these steps prior to separation and divorce only to make things difficult or to put up great hurdles for people who are already burdened with a crisis. The Church intends rather to provide caring environments where decisions can be made that are truly good for each spouse and each child in a family. The intention of the Church is as always helpful and faithful service.

Persons, who, nevertheless, separate or divorce without the recommended counseling and acknowledgement of the Church, retain their right to share in the sacraments and rites of the church such as eucharist, reconciliation, and Christian burial. It is only required that they acted in good faith and conscience (i.e. they acted after serious consideration of the moral aspects and religious responsibilities in their lives as spouses and parents). Such persons must take care not to attempt marriage outside the Church or begin living with someone without the benefit of a Church marriage.

 

If a divorce has ALREADY TAKEN PLACE without the acknowledgement of the Church, is it still recommended to meet with the priest after the fact?

The primary purpose of this Church process is to assist spouses in a serious marital crisis so that if there is no alternative to separation or divorce, this choice is made conscientiously with the Church's assistance before going to civil court. This does not deny, however, that there is considerable opportunity for pastoral counseling and reconciliation of conscience after the divorce. The door is always open and a warm welcome is extended.

If a spouse follows this Church process, can all communications with Church representatives become part of civil, criminal or other state law proceedings?

 

Louisiana law provides:

No person shall be required to disclose, by way of testimony or otherwise, or to produce, under subpoena, any privileged communication made to any recognized religious authority in connection with any proceeding or review conducted by said authority relating to the determination or declaration of rights or status of any person regarding any privileged communication:

(1) In connection with any civil or criminal [except sexual abuse of minors] case or proceeding;

(2) Before any state or local administrative department, agency, board, or commission;

(3) To any legislative committee, or

(4) By way of deposition or other discovery procedure. (RS 13:3734.2; see http://www.legis.state.la.us/lss/lss.asp?doc=77583)

 

PRAYER IN TIME OF MARITAL SUFFERING

O Lord, you raised marriage to the dignity of a sacrament, a sacred sign of love and unity between yourself and your spouse, the Church. You give married couples the grace they need to live together in love and harmony.

Yet, that grace seems out of reach for the one I loved and married and for me. Our love has vanished, our marriage has faltered and our children have certainly been harmed. According to the measure of our faith, teach each of us how to regain what has been lost, to change all that can be changed and to accept whatever cannot be changed.

If we cannot be restored to a life together, keep us from deep regret, resentment and great fear. I come to you now in prayer, O Lord, asking for your divine mercy upon my children, my spouse and me. Heal us so that we may be reassured that your love and forgiveness remain with each one of us.

Grant that the problems that led to this grave situation may be the occasion for growth in both of us, greater respect for each other, mutual pardon and deeper faith.

Draw from this messy pain true good for our children, my spouse and myself. Especially, I pray for our children. Hold them in the palm of your hand and teach my spouse and me how to care for them as you do.

Give us strength, wisdom, healing and understanding dear Lord. Lavish them on us in great measure. Cause each one of us to respond generously to these graces.

In the Name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

 

Can a divorced Catholic still receive Communion?

Divorced Catholics lose none of their rights in the Church, except the right to enter a new marriage, until the Church declares them free to marry. All Catholics, divorced Catholics included, are free to receive the sacraments, provided they are not in a state of serious sin, (i.e. have not "remarried outside the Church," or are not cohabiting with another partner). If they are in another marital (or cohabiting) union, only then are they not permitted to receive the sacraments. Divorced Catholics, even those "remarried outside the Church", are not excommunicated. 

Marriage Annulments